They're Just Kids

Some of you have seen my FB page and have already heard this story, but I felt for those of you that didn't - it warrants repeating. My son started playing baseball this year so I became what I dreaded THE *insert various activity here* MOM. Practices, games, raffles, and let's not forget working the consession stand! Seeing my son have fun with his teammates however is worth everything; he laughs, jokes, and has a ball. I think it's even improved his sleep habits and behavior!

So there I sat Monday night, front row as always cheering for my son and his teammates. I decided to get up and walk around (makes me nervous when they're playing the field) so I of course missed seeing most of the play that came into question. That however is a mute point what happened next both saddened me, made me angry, made me proud, and made me happy - all at the same time. Now I come from a long line of baseball fanatics - my grandfather played for the Toledo Mudhens - a farm team for the Detroit Tigers, my brothers played ball, I played ball - you get the picture. I understand that there are gonna be plays you don't agree with and want to argue, but arguing and going ballistic are TWO totally different things. These coaches (from the opposing team) came out of the dugout cussing, screaming, and carrying on - to the point where one of them was actually ejected from the game! Keep in mind - this is LITTLE LEAGUE. and the parents were just as bad! It took almost 25 minutes for the game to resume(also keep in mind that the other team was winning by 3 runs). I was disgusted! Well that brought our team up and we got 3 outs and no runs. Next thing I know the announcer is stating that the game is being called on account of darkness, well that made me feel a little better because well I was getting cold anyway!

This next part is what made me happy and proud, my son's coach called the parents to inform them that although it had been said that the game was being called on account of darkness that he indeed was the one that called the game to an end because "I told them I'm done; I refuse to play a team whose coaches carry on like that in front of these kids. I don't ever want to play them again." he then proceeded to talk to the kids and tell them how well they did, how they were improving and listening well. Not once was mentioned the ground ball that my son missed, the kids that struck out, or the pitcher who walked in several runs. "The score doesn't matter" he said "What matters is that you guys are learning, what we teach you here you will carry on for the rest of your life. We will not emulate behavior from other teams like that, we will not put anyone down." "Only cheer for your own teammates, never put the other team down" this from the assistant coaches - one of whom I know because I went to school with him, but the other is only 16! His coach then went on to tell them how he always gives his players nicknames and started handing those out. Although we technically lost that game, I walked away feeling more like a winner, and more pride and faith in men again. That day I thanked GOD that my son was a Cardinal (which is ironic b/c my dad was a Cardinal fan) because these MEN - and I include ALL the coaches when I say that have provided a good example of what not only a baseball player should be like, but what we as human beings should be like.

I liken my son's team to The BadNews Bears because with the exception of 3 kids, the entire team is new to baseball. Plus they have kids with all kinds of  problems - there's my son with ADHD, one kid that's a little oversensitive, and a girl(YES we have a girl on our team!) that has some developmental disablitlies. Point being, they're not very good at the game but they are ACES at sportsmanship - I've watched them cheer each other, slaps on the backs, etc and I love it. Especially when I overheard the coach telling another parent "These are a great group of kids; I love coaching them". Now most coaches, and hell most parents would lose it with these kids, but their coaches have done nothing but encourage them.
As I said before I thank GOD that he got on this team because of not only the behavior of those coaches from that opposing team, but from what I've seen in other games as well. Coaches having fits, hell the kids they're coaching are having fits - slamming bats down, yelling at each other, and I have overheard ppl saying that there are some kids that shouldn't be playing because of their ability - or lack there of, or their developmental issues, and the list goes on. These are parents and adults that are supposedly "here for the kids" but with all the bickering, caddiness, and just overall disrespect that goes on I find they're here for themselves. They have to show how macho they are by having their kid or their team be the best(this goes for the women too). To these ppl I want to say "Get over the fact that you didn't make it to the big leagues - you're not a superstar so STOP trying to live vicariously thru your kids." these kids merely want to play ball.

It doesn't stop with just sports either, I just heard a story about Britain's Got Talent where a 9 year old broke down with stage fright. Or last year when on the same show a 13 year old collapsed because she was eliminated. WHY are ppl putting their kids into situations that they're not ready for? I mean the winner of America's Got Talent gets a Vegas contract and I've seen 9, 10, and 11 year olds on there. What 10 year old needs a Vegas act? Now am I saying that you shouldn't let your kids do anything?NO. However you do have to make sure that they are emotionally able to handle it. Don't push them because it's what YOU want; I have waited 10 years for my son to play ball because I myself love it. I have never pushed though; this was his idea because his friend from Boy Scouts plays. He also plays in the Minor Leagues even though he's old enough for the Majors - why? Because he's never played before and I, along with a couple of board members decided it would be a better fit for him and he's having a blast because he just wants to play ball - he doesn't care if he's in the Majors or the Minors, The Cardinals or The Dodgers, win or lose - he just wants to play. In closing I want to say kudos to my son, his team, and their coaches - you rock! I would also like to share a poem that a friend showed me - the timing of it was impecible. It is all about letting kids be kids and it is posted at a Little League field somewhere - to you I also say kudos!

He Is Just a Little Boy
By Chaplain Bob Fox

He stands at the plate with his heart pounding fast. The bases are loaded, the die has been cast. Mom and Dad cannot help him, he stands all alone. A hit at this moment would send his team home. The ball meets the plate, he swings and he misses. There's a groan from the crowd, with some boos and some hisses. A thoughtless voice cries, "Strike out the bum." Tears fill his eyes, the game's no longer fun. So open up your heart and give him a break, for it's moments like this, a man you can make. Please keep this in mind when you hear someone forget, He is just a little boy, and not a man yet.

Fight the Power

Sorry for the absence but things have been crazy but I can tell you that I am feeling empowered right now!A few of you know that I've been fighting with my son's school to get him the help that he needs. He struggles in a large environment(there's 36 kids in his regular class) because he feels intimidated and does better in smaller groups. I KNOW this he's MY son, but try explaining that to a woman who has a piece of paper that says that she's psychologist (not dissing college or drs, teachers etc, just this woman in particular). She says things like "it's good that you're noticing now that he needs help" um NO. I had my son in a school approved afterschool program that was supposed to help with homework, but he spent more time playing. I asked my son's teacher for extra credit work; she agreed and I got nothing. What I did get was a folder(which was supposed to be a weekly folder) once a month with a bunch of Fs in it and when I tried to go over some of it - the class was already past it - so how the heck was I supposed to help him understand it if they were on to something else? I'm so sick of drs, teachers, etc that think because they have the degree, they have all the power. I know my son better than anyone else in the world; no amount of schooling, no seeing a 1000 kids a year, no amount of work period could change that. I'm happy to report that the mama bear in me came out and I fought for my son; so much so that they're almost kissing my ass at school because they know that I would not have a problem calling the newly elected mayor or his new CEO of schools - which I'm still going to end up doing because these people shouldn't even be allowed to work with animals let alone shape our childrens' minds - they're more worried about their salary. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that YOU know your child, YOU know what they need - don't let ANYONE tell you any different. Needless to say that since getting into a special education program my son is now starting to do better and actually enjoy school rather than dread it. It's a wonderful feeling to see your child finally shine when you knew all along that all they needed was a bit of polishing.

Exercise

Ok so here we are almost one month into the whole let's get serious and get healthy thing started and I must admit I'm still doin it! Now do I want to get up everyday and do it? There are some days (like those once a month visits for us ladies) that I want to shoot the next person who mentions working out. However I've also learned that I am LOVING the energy that working out gives me and really the peace of mind it gives me. There were a couple days when I simply could not get a workout in and you know what? I actually missed it! No that's not a typo I said I missed it. It makes me feel centered and gives me a sense of accomplishment. Also because I have "outted" myself so to speak to all of you I feel a sense of obligation to keep going - of course your words of encouragement are always motivation to keep going.
Believe it or not I actually started a zumba class yesterday - I sweated my ass off, but I did not die! WOOHOO! I also am walking along with doing the Just Dance for wii - I am actually now able to walk 2 miles with almost no problem. This activity is what I find the most stress relieving - I stick my earbuds in, put some good music on and just start walking. My mind clears and I just listen to the music - lately it's been a lot of Christian Kane that keeps me company as I walk. What I like about his music is that it's real - meaning he has written many of his own songs and they talk about everyday things. Thrown in the mix with the country is come good ol' rockin roll - check him out on youtube when you can. Anyway - back to me lol I just walk and think and by the time I realize it 45 minutes have gone by and the endorphins are flowing. So despite what the scale may say tomorrow ( I was down 5.5lbs last week) I know that I am on my way to being a healthier me. Thank you all for accompanying me on this journey!

Here We Go Again

Ok so Paula Deen has diabetes - WHO CARES? I know I've talked repeatedly about how we need to take responsibility for ourselves, but this week just really irked me. This woman has said time and time again that I'm your cook not your dr not your nurse. Yes her meals are high in fat, cholesterol, and all the things that usually make food good; but is she standing over you threatening you if you don't eat it? NO
There are a lot of things I can blame my fat on - my ex is a douche, my mom had cancer, my son has learning disabilities. However noone was holding a gun to my head as I shoved cheeseburger after cheeseburger in my mouth. I'm fat because I've used food as a coping mechanism - I did that; noone else.
Yes we all need to learn that we need to eat in moderation - but it's our responsibility to do that, not a television cook's job. She obviously needs to learn that and I hope that she is able to get herself healthier because diabetes sucks. Now knock on wood, I am not a diabetic and don't intend to become one, however I have a lot of ppl in my life that are and I know that it sucks for them. So Anthony Bourdain and all you other nay sayers BACK OFF! While she may not be the picture of perfection when it comes to health, she is an example to single moms like me - she made a herself a success out of nothing while raising two kids. She's also human being who's going to have a tough road ahead of her; she not only has diabetes but is also trying to quit smoking. Now I'm not saying that she's perfect, etc but I'm so SICK of people blaming others for what is THEIR responisbility. Maybe I should look into suing McDonalds for making me fat - I could use the money!

Finding the right one for you

Sitting in the drs office the other day I was nervous as hell - I have ALWAYS hated going to the dr; 90% of the time because I know the dr is going to say well you need to lose some weight. Really as I hadn't thought of that as I ended up winded just tying my shoes LOL However this time after switching and switching I think I finally hit the jackpot with drs. Now that's not to say that she didn't address my weight but she wasn't condescending about it either. I think what I liked the most though is how much time she spent with me; first I saw her med student who spent a good half hour with me. At first I thought she was merely trying to cover her ass, but really I think this woman is going to make a great dr some day. I was at the dr not only for my blood pressure, but I had also wanted to talk to her about anti depressants/anti anxiety meds as I've had a lot going on in my life as of late plus out of all the things I could have inherited from him I inherited my dad's panic attacks (thanks dad!) and this is not just oh shit type of stress; this is I took myself to the ER once because I thought I was having a heart attack stress. Anyway I digress; as I sat there and started to tell my story and it became real and verbalized I began to cry and of course was terribly embarrassed. However this intern looked at me and said this is not uncommon - you've had ALOT of stressors in your life lately. She didn't look at me like any minute I was going to slit my wrists like I once had another dr look at me.
Next came my dr who went over everything with the med student and told me to let her know if she'd missed anything. Then they took everything point by point and set up a plan for me - I finally had a health plan! When I mentioned that I had put on about 10lbs since I'd been there last she was like "eh we'll blame in on the holidays" now that's not to say she wasn't concerned but she knows that weight is an issue that everyone struggles with. We went over what my exercise regiment was and told me so long as I worked out 30 minutes, 5 days a week that was good. I was relieved; this is something I could do - hell it was one half hour sitcom! We went over some of my other ailments and what I was to do about those and then because my bloodpressure is not quite where she wants it (though it was better than last time) we went over possible causes. My biggest fear was that she was going to up the meds, which I didn't want because I'm already on a host of meds. However she told me she was going to keep me on the same dose and so long as I kept up my diet and exercise that we'd take it from there. She asked if there was any questions I had about anything and that was that. I left there more elated than I have in a very long time of going to the dr. Now I have a friend that went to the dr recently and didn't have quite the same experience but at the end of the day it was something that worked for her - at least for now. I guess my point here is that in order to succeed with your health not only do you have to take an active role in your own medical conditions ( I had a lot of my own info that she was impressed with) but find a dr that works for YOU because if you're not comfortable talking with your own dr then it makes the road to health/weightloss that much more difficult and we all know that that road is already filled with potholes and road closures that we have to try and avoid. Take your time to do some research and don't be afraid to ask questions - afterall they work for YOU; consider yourselves their boss and if they're not doing their job - fire them and find a new one!

Not a Resolution

Well I started this blog with the intentions of blogging everyday, but alas that has not happened. However I think averaging once a month is pretty good;anywho time to get on with it.
I hope that all of you had a wonderful holiday season, mine was good if a bit normal - then again normal can be good. Now that the holidays are over, how many of you have made a New Year's Resolution? Most of us make them and don't keep them - hell if I'd kept half of mine I'd be a size 2 and living in a small town, running a bakery! So this year I've decided not to make a resolution, rather I've decided to make my life over. That doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the life that I have, just that I need to learn to live it differently. Now when I was growing up different usually meant bad; example:"Mom, how does this shirt look?" "Well it's.........different" but for me different is going to be a good thing! It means losing not just the weight that's been plaguing me my whole life, but letting all the anger and all the negativity in my life go as well. It means living my life for ME not for anyone else; taking care of ME because if I can't take care of myself - I'm of no use to anyone else.
So far I've started with working out - which right now consists of playing the wii; that's right the anti video gamer is using it to get healthy. My favorite is doing Taio Cruz's Dynamite with my son because we both love the song, and then there's the frisbee golf, which I hate but play because again my son loves it. I've also began changing my eating habits - I've (for the most part) given up iced tea, which for those of you that know me know that that is a feat in itself because iced tea was very addictive for me. I also managed to put back mint Oreos - another small, but amazing act because I both love them and they were cheap. The biggest however was when I went to Wendy's (Yeah I haven't given up fast food YET) and I did NOT order a frosty; this was HUGE for me because I love it with all it's chocolatey goodness BUT I decided I did not NEED it. Did I want it? I don't know does a monkey want a banana? HELL YEAH I wanted it but again victory reigned supreme!
I think the thing that's made this year different is that I've watched a friend have much success, not only in losing weight, but shedding the layers of crap and discovering who she really is. The two of us were two of a kind - so much so that ppl at work used to think we were sisters; we were the two fat chicks - and for a long time we were ok with it. Then both of us decided that we really needed to lose weight, but that there was nothing out there for chicks like us. Over tired moms with kids with disabilities who at the end of the day just wanted to take some comfort in some delicious confections. So we decided we should start something ourselves - I started this blog to help with some of the stress and she took the proverbial bull by the horns and ran with it. She has an amazing website and blog http://livingdaily.weebly.com/ where she encourages people everyday and lets them know that they CAN do it. Yes some of her positivity makes me want to shove it down her throat, but at the end of the day I know she's right. Through her journey she's shed more than 80lbs and even more - discovered more of who she is. More importantly she once told me something that is a constant reminder to me "You can't fail unless you stop trying" so if I have that frosty or minty oreo I don't go "Oh well I give up I'll always be fat" I just think "Well tomorrow is another day for me to do better". She's also told me in not so many words "I didn't say it was going to be easy; I said it'd be worth it". To you Katy I say a huge THANK YOU!
Now I'm about to share with something I've never shared with ANYONE - except my Dr. I'm nervous, but I know it will help me stay focused and it will help me shed some of the crap I've been holding onto. I am about to share my weight with you and the rest of the world; a year ago I hit the scale at 360lbs. Since then I've lost some weight and last I checked(which has been awhile) I was at 330/335. These are numbers I NEVER want to see again, but I'm doing it a little at a time. Right now the goal is to wake up tomorrow and move. The long term goal is to one day be able to do a 5K run or something to that effect.
I guess my message here is live life for YOU; and I don't mean go out and be a selfish prick but make sure that the decisions you make in your life are about what YOU want and what's good for YOU. Don't make decisions based on anything anyone else does or says. You can succeed if only you give yourself the chance to.

Day of Thanks

I realize that it's been quite awhile since I last stepped into the world of blogging. I've been going through some personal issues and I will admit it, feeling sorry for myself. There have been times that I think there is noone that has problems worse than I do, or I think I really don't give a crap how well someone else is doing. To those people who I've thought that I about - you have my sincerist apologies; the fact of the matter is that I was jealous of those people. Jealous of the fact that they were doing so well and here I was one bad thing after another kept happening to me. Why me? I'd ask myself - when is it MY turn?
Luckily over the last week or so I've come to realize that I really need to get over myself. I love to watch the show Dancing With The Stars, but this season really affected me because of JR Martinez. Many of you know that he is an Iraq War vet who was burned over 50% of his body. Well he recovered and became an actor, motivational speaker and now DWTS champion. Sometimes I stop and think about him or the children at St Jude Children's Research Hospital and think OMG I am being SO petty! So I've had to deal with some medical issues - at least they didn't entail being burned over half my body or God forbid having to fight cancer.
My son said something to me tonight that REALLY pushed everything home for me. I was mixing dough with my new (to me) stand mixer that someone generously gave me and he said "Wow mom you have a really great life", it caught me off guard and I half laughed and said "Oh really what makes you say that?" his response? "Well you have this new mixer, you're a great baker, a good cook, and you have love" in that moment I realized that he was right. Do I wish I had more money so I didn't have to worry about bills? YES - who doesn't? Do I wish I had a perfect marriage to a great guy - sometimes. Do I wish that my house wasn't falling down around my ears? Of course Do I wish I could fit into a size 10? HELL YEAH. There are times I wish all these things, but in that instant I realized that I do have a pretty great life. I have people who love me, a roof over my head, food (sometimes too much) to eat, and clothes on my back. So this Thanksgiving I am going to be grateful for the life I have today - because there are people who aren't so lucky.