Growing up I always listened to my mom talk about how she'd always remember where she was and what she was doing when JFK was assassinated; back then I never realized why it was so significant for her, that is until September 11, 2001.
I was 6 months pregnant with my son and for whatever reason I had decided not to watch the news; even though that's what I usually did as I was getting ready for work. Only having one car at the time and working in opposite directions I had relied on my mom for a ride to work that day. When she picked me up she said a plane hit one of the World Trade Center towers in NYC they think it's terrorists and they don't know how they're going to get to the people in the floors above. I will admit, at that time I really had only a vague idea of what the World Trade Center was but still thought OMG how awful. Little did I know how awful it would get. I remember getting to work, which was only a 20-30 minute drive and telling my co worker at the time what my mom had just told me. She looked at me and said you haven't heard? The towers fell, one plane hit the Pentagon and there's another missing. By this time I was scared shitless as I relayed to my mom (who had stopped back in after going to the grocery store next door) and I remember telling her that the US was basically under attack. My boss had the radio on the whole day so that we could get up to the min info; and I remember trying to cover my fear with humor which fell flat. By this time they were evacuating any buildings over a certain story which included the nearby college and all I could think about at the time was OMG all my siblings work downtown. At that time the country had no idea if this was it or if there were other targets (living in Chicago we were assuming that we were a possibility).
In the days that followed I got the true impact of what had happened. Watching all the news coverage I was both horrified and proud. Horrified at the tragedy that had happened and proud of the unity that our country had formed. You constantly were hearing about people banning together to get people out, to help one another. None more powerful than the people that banneded together on flight 93 who refused to let their plane take out what has been assumed to be the White House. It wasn't only the US either - I remember hearing a story of a Canadian town where the townspeople took in US citizens whose flight had been grounded that day. People from around the world were uniting together. Watching news coverage day after day there was always a new story, someone else giving their reaction. For me there was none more powerful than the reaction of what looked to be about a 12 year old boy who was literally shaking with anger and said "They hit the Pentagon; they hit the nerve center of our military" in a how DARE they voice. I also remember hearing about the President's reaction; now say what you will about George W Bush - Lord knows I'm a Democrat but I will ALWAYS respect that man for that day. He was reading to a room full of Florida second graders when he was informed that the US was under attack - how does one react and NOT scare those children? Well he figured it out because he did it with grace and finesse.
I will admit after that first month, the events of that day moved to the back of my mind - not because I wanted to forget, but because my own life was falling apart. I was having my first child and in those next 8 months my son would be born, my father would pass away, and my relationship with my fiance would come to an end. However the day was never completely forgotten, and since then I often think about that day and even have a People magazine that I kept that I sometimes look at. I never want to forget the day that I saw the worst and the best in people. Now ten years later I think about how NYC has recovered and is moving forward - the video coverage of the new reflecting pool memorials is absolutely stunning. I hope one day to bring my son there to see that, the lonely field in Shanksville, PA, and as close to the Pentagon as they'll allow. If it's anything like the time I saw the traveling Vietnam Wall I will be a sobbing mess. I don't know what it was but when you're in the presence of it you can almost feel the souls of the names on that wall.
This day will forever remain in our hearts and memories - a day when we were truly one nation. Unfortunately it took this tragedy for us to unite, and now ten years later I feel like that unity has wained. We no longer give a shit about the person next to us on the train, we still view Muslims as the bad guys because yes a dozen people speak for an entire nation. We forget about the soldiers who are still overseas fighting for our daily freedoms - that is until we heard they finally killed Osama Bin Ladin and after that it was five minutes of elation and then back to the hum drum of daily life. If anyone takes away anything from this, let it be to live life to the fullest and have tolerance hell CARE about each other - even if it's something as simple as letting the person who has one thing go ahead of you at the grocery store because as I just heard a 9/11 survivor say "As long as there's not a plane coming into this building you're having a good day"
Friday, September 9, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Call Me Old Fashioned
There are days when I wish I'd grown up in the era of Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Ingrid Bergman, etc. Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate the advancements we've made politically, etc since the 40's and 50's; however back then people knew how to speak and men knew how to treat women.
Recently I joined a dating site because well quite frankly life gets kind of lonely and I can be a shy person (shocking I know) so sometimes speaking over the internet is easier for me. Now that being said I can honestly say that we as a society have become dumber and dumber. Just going by some of the screennames that these people come up with? Pdidey? The1foru? Thickgallover? I mean really you couldn't come up with something halfway decent? Oh and sending someone a message that simply reads mmmmmmmmm does not make them want to contact you. Sadly though it's not just on the internet I've heard "Hey baby what's yo numba?" in person as well. Along with "mmmmm......I like my women thick" to which my sister kindly replied "Too bad I don't like my men stupid".
Unfortunately it's not just with guys either; a friend told me that recently she saw some guys use similar lines on her sister and sister in law and they giggled away and flirted back. Now often I've been told I give off the bitch vibe to guys and that's why men find me unapproachable. However for me it's more of a I'm not gonna fall for every man that says hi to me - you need to work for it a little bit. Why? Because I'm worth working for damn it. Which brings me to my other point; why is it that to guys fat=desperate? Because I'm heavy I must not be getting any action? I must be so full of low self esteem that I'll just latch onto anyone? Sorry to disappoint you but that's simply not true with this gal. Also, why is it perfectly acceptable for a thin woman to date an overweight man, but taboo for a thin man to date an overweight woman? Just the same way as it's ok for Hugh Hefner to date women 50 years younger than him, but if say Debbie Reynolds tried the same thing she'd be seen as a cougar or a cradle robber whereas Hugh is seen as a god for it. What people fail to stop and think is that I've found more women pay less attention to looks and age than men do. We look for things like - does he love his family? How does he treat his kids? Is he ambitious? Not damn he looks really hot in those 501s.
Now I'm not saying that physical attraction has nothing to do with finding a mate. Or that all men are shallow and all women are not. These are simply things I've observed and how I am in my life. I'm a very open person - most people have a "type" that they go for i.e. tall dark and handsome, blonde, brunette, etc. However through simply looking at the men I find attractive; my spectrum covers a wide range of "types". I'll give you a few examples of actors/entertainers I find attractive:Keanu Reeves, Shemar Moore, Justin Timberlake, Kevin James, Randy Travis, and current Mayor of Chicago Rahm Emmanuel. Now if you know any or all of these men you know none of the two are alike.
I guess what bothers me the most is the fact that noone tries anymore. Men think that all they have to do is ask for a girl's number and she'll sleep with him or a woman thinks that all she has to do is bat her eyelashes and a man should sleep with her or buy her whatever she wants. Lord help you if you're not sleeping together within the first month. I mean whatever happened to saying Hi how are you? Or bringing a woman flowers and expecting nothing in return? Or asking him how his day was? Holding hands? Call me old fashioned but these are the things that I look for. Right now I'm feeling defeated but I have to hold onto these ideals and think that there is someone out there that feels the same way I do.
So the next time you go to talk to someone - whether you're hitting on them or not why don't you just start with hello?
Recently I joined a dating site because well quite frankly life gets kind of lonely and I can be a shy person (shocking I know) so sometimes speaking over the internet is easier for me. Now that being said I can honestly say that we as a society have become dumber and dumber. Just going by some of the screennames that these people come up with? Pdidey? The1foru? Thickgallover? I mean really you couldn't come up with something halfway decent? Oh and sending someone a message that simply reads mmmmmmmmm does not make them want to contact you. Sadly though it's not just on the internet I've heard "Hey baby what's yo numba?" in person as well. Along with "mmmmm......I like my women thick" to which my sister kindly replied "Too bad I don't like my men stupid".
Unfortunately it's not just with guys either; a friend told me that recently she saw some guys use similar lines on her sister and sister in law and they giggled away and flirted back. Now often I've been told I give off the bitch vibe to guys and that's why men find me unapproachable. However for me it's more of a I'm not gonna fall for every man that says hi to me - you need to work for it a little bit. Why? Because I'm worth working for damn it. Which brings me to my other point; why is it that to guys fat=desperate? Because I'm heavy I must not be getting any action? I must be so full of low self esteem that I'll just latch onto anyone? Sorry to disappoint you but that's simply not true with this gal. Also, why is it perfectly acceptable for a thin woman to date an overweight man, but taboo for a thin man to date an overweight woman? Just the same way as it's ok for Hugh Hefner to date women 50 years younger than him, but if say Debbie Reynolds tried the same thing she'd be seen as a cougar or a cradle robber whereas Hugh is seen as a god for it. What people fail to stop and think is that I've found more women pay less attention to looks and age than men do. We look for things like - does he love his family? How does he treat his kids? Is he ambitious? Not damn he looks really hot in those 501s.
Now I'm not saying that physical attraction has nothing to do with finding a mate. Or that all men are shallow and all women are not. These are simply things I've observed and how I am in my life. I'm a very open person - most people have a "type" that they go for i.e. tall dark and handsome, blonde, brunette, etc. However through simply looking at the men I find attractive; my spectrum covers a wide range of "types". I'll give you a few examples of actors/entertainers I find attractive:Keanu Reeves, Shemar Moore, Justin Timberlake, Kevin James, Randy Travis, and current Mayor of Chicago Rahm Emmanuel. Now if you know any or all of these men you know none of the two are alike.
I guess what bothers me the most is the fact that noone tries anymore. Men think that all they have to do is ask for a girl's number and she'll sleep with him or a woman thinks that all she has to do is bat her eyelashes and a man should sleep with her or buy her whatever she wants. Lord help you if you're not sleeping together within the first month. I mean whatever happened to saying Hi how are you? Or bringing a woman flowers and expecting nothing in return? Or asking him how his day was? Holding hands? Call me old fashioned but these are the things that I look for. Right now I'm feeling defeated but I have to hold onto these ideals and think that there is someone out there that feels the same way I do.
So the next time you go to talk to someone - whether you're hitting on them or not why don't you just start with hello?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Narrowmindedness
Ok so I know I've disappeared for a long while and I'm not going to into the details of why because well it's just not that exciting. However what I will talk about is something that struck a chord with me today. What it boils down to is narrowmindedness; this is something I cannot stand.
There's been so much of it going on lately it makes me sick; especially with several states passing and/or drafting gay marriage or gay civil union bills (Thank God I live in a state that had the brains to have at least a civil union bill). What gets me is people that bash other people simply based on the fact that they are gay. Nevermind that your bible thumping do gooder neighbor could be raping women but at least he's not gay right? The same thing goes for judging people based on their race, religion, or culture. Who gave you the right to judge ANYONE? What suddenly made you the authority on everything known to man? Doesn't the Bible say let he who is without sin cast the first stone?
Whats even worse is the people that don't know they're biased or haven't come to terms with it. I'm sorry if you say things like "You know the girl with the black kids" when a woman has mixed children or "I'm not racist, but" sorry Charlie that says right there that you are biased. Now am I perfect? HELL NO but I like to think that I'm open minded enough to judge people on their words, acts, behaviors, etc rather than whether or not they're black or white, gay or straight, or Christian or Muslim.
Now a lot of people will cite their religion as their reasoning, but then do you just blindly follow it or do you question things? I'm a Catholic, but do I believe the Bible word for word? No I do not - if I did I'd be getting stoned right now for having a child out of wedlock or be stuck walking 50ft behind every man in the world, which for those of you that know me know that ain't gonna happen. First of all The Bible was written by man who is not perfect, second it was an interpretation of what different individuals experienced, and third it's been translated into God only knows how many different languages. Plus they had to narrow down what gospels, etc that they were going to put in there otherwise it'd be as long as all get out. Not many ppl know that there are gospels written by Mary Magdalene and her experiences with Jesus, and let us not forget St. Thomas Aquinas who's gospels are not even acknowledged by the church, but I think he says it best when it says (and I'm paraphrasing here) "Church is not in a building, but it is all around you" What that means to me is you can pray in the bathroom and God will still hear you.
Ok let me get back to my original point which is basically jump into 2011 - this is not the 1960's. Stop judging people based on what they believe or who they love, or the color of their skin. I thank The Lord everyday that he gave me parents that taught me to think for myself and not judge others. There are two stories of sorts that I would like to share about my family that will help you understand what I mean about being non judgmental and about how if you do judge - you'll get yours. The first one is about a friend of my grandparents who worked at the mill with them. He was a black man and it was the 60's, which meant it was virtually unheard of for him to go to my grandparents house (For those of you who don't know me I am white) for dinner. They however didn't care and would have him over often and each time he would offer to use the back door as to not cause trouble with their neighbors. My grandfather's response? "You use the front door like everyone else" The second involves my mom (btw the previous story was about her parents) who would often tell me she felt sorry for children of inter racial couples for the simple fact that when she was growing up the families of the children wouldn't be accepting of the children. Now I'm not saying God is vengeful, but guess what happened? My older brother grew up and married a black woman and they have a son. Ask me now if he's unloved or unaccepted by either family and my reponse would be oh the spoiled one who gets what he wants? Our families love that boy to the point of embarrassment. Unfortunately I would learn later that that guy was right about my grandparents' neighbors because when my brother's family moved into my grandparents' old house the one neighbor - who I had known and loved all my life- started hollering how that brown baby was going to bring down her property values. I tell you if not for my brother I'd be in jail cuz Lord knows I wanted to go after her.
To bring it full circle all I can say is that I hope I've done a good enough job raising my son so that he doesn't end up like so many narrowminded individuals; cuz in the end it'll be them that I'm praying for. Praying that they can finally see that no matter race, religion, sexuality, etc that people were created by God and he doesn't make mistakes.
There's been so much of it going on lately it makes me sick; especially with several states passing and/or drafting gay marriage or gay civil union bills (Thank God I live in a state that had the brains to have at least a civil union bill). What gets me is people that bash other people simply based on the fact that they are gay. Nevermind that your bible thumping do gooder neighbor could be raping women but at least he's not gay right? The same thing goes for judging people based on their race, religion, or culture. Who gave you the right to judge ANYONE? What suddenly made you the authority on everything known to man? Doesn't the Bible say let he who is without sin cast the first stone?
Whats even worse is the people that don't know they're biased or haven't come to terms with it. I'm sorry if you say things like "You know the girl with the black kids" when a woman has mixed children or "I'm not racist, but" sorry Charlie that says right there that you are biased. Now am I perfect? HELL NO but I like to think that I'm open minded enough to judge people on their words, acts, behaviors, etc rather than whether or not they're black or white, gay or straight, or Christian or Muslim.
Now a lot of people will cite their religion as their reasoning, but then do you just blindly follow it or do you question things? I'm a Catholic, but do I believe the Bible word for word? No I do not - if I did I'd be getting stoned right now for having a child out of wedlock or be stuck walking 50ft behind every man in the world, which for those of you that know me know that ain't gonna happen. First of all The Bible was written by man who is not perfect, second it was an interpretation of what different individuals experienced, and third it's been translated into God only knows how many different languages. Plus they had to narrow down what gospels, etc that they were going to put in there otherwise it'd be as long as all get out. Not many ppl know that there are gospels written by Mary Magdalene and her experiences with Jesus, and let us not forget St. Thomas Aquinas who's gospels are not even acknowledged by the church, but I think he says it best when it says (and I'm paraphrasing here) "Church is not in a building, but it is all around you" What that means to me is you can pray in the bathroom and God will still hear you.
Ok let me get back to my original point which is basically jump into 2011 - this is not the 1960's. Stop judging people based on what they believe or who they love, or the color of their skin. I thank The Lord everyday that he gave me parents that taught me to think for myself and not judge others. There are two stories of sorts that I would like to share about my family that will help you understand what I mean about being non judgmental and about how if you do judge - you'll get yours. The first one is about a friend of my grandparents who worked at the mill with them. He was a black man and it was the 60's, which meant it was virtually unheard of for him to go to my grandparents house (For those of you who don't know me I am white) for dinner. They however didn't care and would have him over often and each time he would offer to use the back door as to not cause trouble with their neighbors. My grandfather's response? "You use the front door like everyone else" The second involves my mom (btw the previous story was about her parents) who would often tell me she felt sorry for children of inter racial couples for the simple fact that when she was growing up the families of the children wouldn't be accepting of the children. Now I'm not saying God is vengeful, but guess what happened? My older brother grew up and married a black woman and they have a son. Ask me now if he's unloved or unaccepted by either family and my reponse would be oh the spoiled one who gets what he wants? Our families love that boy to the point of embarrassment. Unfortunately I would learn later that that guy was right about my grandparents' neighbors because when my brother's family moved into my grandparents' old house the one neighbor - who I had known and loved all my life- started hollering how that brown baby was going to bring down her property values. I tell you if not for my brother I'd be in jail cuz Lord knows I wanted to go after her.
To bring it full circle all I can say is that I hope I've done a good enough job raising my son so that he doesn't end up like so many narrowminded individuals; cuz in the end it'll be them that I'm praying for. Praying that they can finally see that no matter race, religion, sexuality, etc that people were created by God and he doesn't make mistakes.
Monday, June 13, 2011
The Simple Things
Ok I'm still figuring this blog stuff out so please forgive me. Also I don't really like to blog unless I have something to say or to talk about - I'm sure you all really don't want to hear when I'm eating a bagel or how someone cut me off in traffic - that's why I have a FB and Twitter account lol So Karyn what are you going to talk about?
Recently I was talking with my brother and we were recalling things about our childhood. Places we used to go as kids, people we hung out with, etc. One thing we talked about are the places in our neighborhood that were a treat for us growing up. Giappo's deep dish pizza was one of them and cake from Linn's bakery with the AMAZING (yes it was that good that I needed to capitalize it) buttercream icing. Now yes this might sound like the whole bagel issue, but what it led us to discuss was how much our neighborhood has changed over the years. Now not to sound like Father Time, but when we were growing up we could ride our bikes whereever as long as we were home by the time the street lights came on. Even then sometimes we'd get the block kids together and have a game of kick the can (If you don't know this game, it's on Wikipedia). We played in the sprinkler when it was hot cuz we had no air conditioning; if we got thirsty we drank from the hose and it didn't matter that it tasted like metal - you know what I'm talking about. Don't let your mother catch you saying that you were bored cuz she'd make you do work. My father would take my younger brother and I up to the forest preserve by the house and we'd just wander for hours on end. I remember one time my brother chased a gardener snake with a stick so fast that I think the snake was more scared of him!
When I look around now I'm saddened by some of things that I see; kids running around with no supervision, kids unable to ride their bikes in certain areas for fear of gangs and other violence. Neighbors not knowing or caring about who lives next to them, people not mowing their lawns because they just don't care. Noone writes a letter anymore cuz it's easier to send a text or an email, noone buys books anymore cuz they can download them, kids don't want to play outside because they'd rather play their video games or because it's too hot, or they can't because it's too dangerous.
My brother used to make fun of me all the time because I've always said that I wanted to live in a small town similar to the one that my father grew up in. However down there they say yes sir, no ma'am, and well by golly they even say hi to perfect strangers. I remember my sister telling me that the one time that she stayed down there to visit my cousin and they were sitting on the porch when he said hi to someone that was passing by. She asked if he knew the person and when he said no she asked why he said something - his response? Cuz it's the polite thing to do.
I miss sitting on the porch with my family and neighbors at night (which my dad referred to as letting the stink blow off lol). I love the feel of a book in my hand, the way the pages feel, cracking the spine of a new book, dog earing the pages instead of using a book mark. I love writing letters, but unfortunately I have noone to write them to (and no cracks about prisoners liking letters cuz I'm not goin there). I love that my son still loves to play in the hose and still loves to play with play dough.
Now do I think technology is the devil? Of course not I'm the first one to admit that I love the fact that I can make my house cold enough to hang meat on a 100 degree day, and I love the fact that I can connect with people from around the world. I think it's amazing the things that you can find out on the net and I sure as hell wouldn't want to go back to some of the things that my parents had to grow up with. However I do think that things might be a bit better if we did get back to some of the simpler things in life. So the next time you see someone you don't know - say hi. It's the polite thing to do.
Recently I was talking with my brother and we were recalling things about our childhood. Places we used to go as kids, people we hung out with, etc. One thing we talked about are the places in our neighborhood that were a treat for us growing up. Giappo's deep dish pizza was one of them and cake from Linn's bakery with the AMAZING (yes it was that good that I needed to capitalize it) buttercream icing. Now yes this might sound like the whole bagel issue, but what it led us to discuss was how much our neighborhood has changed over the years. Now not to sound like Father Time, but when we were growing up we could ride our bikes whereever as long as we were home by the time the street lights came on. Even then sometimes we'd get the block kids together and have a game of kick the can (If you don't know this game, it's on Wikipedia). We played in the sprinkler when it was hot cuz we had no air conditioning; if we got thirsty we drank from the hose and it didn't matter that it tasted like metal - you know what I'm talking about. Don't let your mother catch you saying that you were bored cuz she'd make you do work. My father would take my younger brother and I up to the forest preserve by the house and we'd just wander for hours on end. I remember one time my brother chased a gardener snake with a stick so fast that I think the snake was more scared of him!
When I look around now I'm saddened by some of things that I see; kids running around with no supervision, kids unable to ride their bikes in certain areas for fear of gangs and other violence. Neighbors not knowing or caring about who lives next to them, people not mowing their lawns because they just don't care. Noone writes a letter anymore cuz it's easier to send a text or an email, noone buys books anymore cuz they can download them, kids don't want to play outside because they'd rather play their video games or because it's too hot, or they can't because it's too dangerous.
My brother used to make fun of me all the time because I've always said that I wanted to live in a small town similar to the one that my father grew up in. However down there they say yes sir, no ma'am, and well by golly they even say hi to perfect strangers. I remember my sister telling me that the one time that she stayed down there to visit my cousin and they were sitting on the porch when he said hi to someone that was passing by. She asked if he knew the person and when he said no she asked why he said something - his response? Cuz it's the polite thing to do.
I miss sitting on the porch with my family and neighbors at night (which my dad referred to as letting the stink blow off lol). I love the feel of a book in my hand, the way the pages feel, cracking the spine of a new book, dog earing the pages instead of using a book mark. I love writing letters, but unfortunately I have noone to write them to (and no cracks about prisoners liking letters cuz I'm not goin there). I love that my son still loves to play in the hose and still loves to play with play dough.
Now do I think technology is the devil? Of course not I'm the first one to admit that I love the fact that I can make my house cold enough to hang meat on a 100 degree day, and I love the fact that I can connect with people from around the world. I think it's amazing the things that you can find out on the net and I sure as hell wouldn't want to go back to some of the things that my parents had to grow up with. However I do think that things might be a bit better if we did get back to some of the simpler things in life. So the next time you see someone you don't know - say hi. It's the polite thing to do.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Momma always told me.........
You can't judge a book by it's cover - how many times have we heard that? I know I heard it all the time when I was growing up. It was my parents way of making me realize that there are some really cool people out there if you just take the time to get to know them.
Unfortunately lately I've come to realize that though the Civil Rights movement was some 40 years ago, there are still a lot of prejudices that still exist. Not only when it comes to race, but religion, politics you name it. Anyone will tell you I am a VERY liberal person; most of the time I don't care if you're black, white, asian, blue, purple, Jewish, Catholic, Atheist, whatever. In my book if you're not hurting anyone who cares? Do I always agree with everyone? Of course not, we all have our own opinions, but I'm not going to stop being your friend just because you believe something I don't.
There is no greater example I could give than of me and my friend Bino. On the surface Bino and I couldn't be more different. I am a short, white, Catholic, grammar correcting "goodie two shoes". Bino on the other hand is a tall, mexican, God believing, yet everything's a conspiracy, don't correct my grammar sometimes trouble maker. However dig deeper and you can begin to see the similarities; we're both single parents trying to do the best by our kids, we both LOVE to debate, we both love calling people out on things, and we hate the baby daddy/mamma drama. I first met Bino when I was working and he came on as our new security guard, I thought to myself "Oh good let's see how THIS one works out" (we'd had some pretty shitty so called guards). After awhile though, the more we talked the more I realized we had in common. Sure there were a lot of things we disagreed on - especially when it comes to politics, but we were always able to discuss things in a civilized manner. However we also both believe in God, we want the best for our children, and we both intend to be wealthy one day lol There was also alot we learned about each other too. He taught me about street things, the music world, and how to think outside the box. I taught him (or so I like to think) that not all baby mamas cause drama, there is more than one way to look at things, and some proper grammar lol We've discussed all things taboo: politics, religion, race, etc. One of the funniest ones was when we were discussing gangs; in particular the Latin Kings. I don't remember what exactly we talked about but I remember him laughing and saying "Man Karyn you are the LAST person I expected to be having this conversation with"
What I'm getting at here is that sometimes you have to look past things to get at the real person. So what if someone's Muslim and you're Christian; if you were dying and they could save you - why not let them? A person's religion, race, political status, etc are only parts of the whole. They're one part of the whole person; it's like your body - your kidneys aren't responsible for everything that goes on in it - it's one organ among many. When I think about how many people won't have anything to do with a person simply because of their beliefs or their race it saddens me because I think about how much they might be missing out on.
I think the thing that makes it worse is those ppl that think like that who have children. Let's face it: prejudice isn't born, it's learned. I'd like to think that I'm teaching my son to be open minded and accepting of all people. He once asked me in not so many words why two guys couldn't get married; my answer to him was that some ppl don't think it's right, but that you can't help who you fall in love with. I said you can love who ever you want. What's even more awesome is that he has several mixed cousins - black, white, mexican - just about everything so race is one area that's never been a problem for him - to this day I don't think he sees color when it comes to ppl and it makes me smile. I try to be as honest with him as possible about things in general, sometimes it's hard because he's only 9 and a young 9 at that. However I want him to grow up knowing that people are at the heart of things basically the same: We all want to love and be loved, we all have fears, and we're all just trying to make it. So the next time you think you know something about someone, dig a little deeper - you'd be amazed at what you find out.
Unfortunately lately I've come to realize that though the Civil Rights movement was some 40 years ago, there are still a lot of prejudices that still exist. Not only when it comes to race, but religion, politics you name it. Anyone will tell you I am a VERY liberal person; most of the time I don't care if you're black, white, asian, blue, purple, Jewish, Catholic, Atheist, whatever. In my book if you're not hurting anyone who cares? Do I always agree with everyone? Of course not, we all have our own opinions, but I'm not going to stop being your friend just because you believe something I don't.
There is no greater example I could give than of me and my friend Bino. On the surface Bino and I couldn't be more different. I am a short, white, Catholic, grammar correcting "goodie two shoes". Bino on the other hand is a tall, mexican, God believing, yet everything's a conspiracy, don't correct my grammar sometimes trouble maker. However dig deeper and you can begin to see the similarities; we're both single parents trying to do the best by our kids, we both LOVE to debate, we both love calling people out on things, and we hate the baby daddy/mamma drama. I first met Bino when I was working and he came on as our new security guard, I thought to myself "Oh good let's see how THIS one works out" (we'd had some pretty shitty so called guards). After awhile though, the more we talked the more I realized we had in common. Sure there were a lot of things we disagreed on - especially when it comes to politics, but we were always able to discuss things in a civilized manner. However we also both believe in God, we want the best for our children, and we both intend to be wealthy one day lol There was also alot we learned about each other too. He taught me about street things, the music world, and how to think outside the box. I taught him (or so I like to think) that not all baby mamas cause drama, there is more than one way to look at things, and some proper grammar lol We've discussed all things taboo: politics, religion, race, etc. One of the funniest ones was when we were discussing gangs; in particular the Latin Kings. I don't remember what exactly we talked about but I remember him laughing and saying "Man Karyn you are the LAST person I expected to be having this conversation with"
What I'm getting at here is that sometimes you have to look past things to get at the real person. So what if someone's Muslim and you're Christian; if you were dying and they could save you - why not let them? A person's religion, race, political status, etc are only parts of the whole. They're one part of the whole person; it's like your body - your kidneys aren't responsible for everything that goes on in it - it's one organ among many. When I think about how many people won't have anything to do with a person simply because of their beliefs or their race it saddens me because I think about how much they might be missing out on.
I think the thing that makes it worse is those ppl that think like that who have children. Let's face it: prejudice isn't born, it's learned. I'd like to think that I'm teaching my son to be open minded and accepting of all people. He once asked me in not so many words why two guys couldn't get married; my answer to him was that some ppl don't think it's right, but that you can't help who you fall in love with. I said you can love who ever you want. What's even more awesome is that he has several mixed cousins - black, white, mexican - just about everything so race is one area that's never been a problem for him - to this day I don't think he sees color when it comes to ppl and it makes me smile. I try to be as honest with him as possible about things in general, sometimes it's hard because he's only 9 and a young 9 at that. However I want him to grow up knowing that people are at the heart of things basically the same: We all want to love and be loved, we all have fears, and we're all just trying to make it. So the next time you think you know something about someone, dig a little deeper - you'd be amazed at what you find out.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Parenting
Yes I'm back, I know I've been MIA lately and that my last blog was full of positives. I'm still on my weight loss journey, though it's come to a stand still lately because I've been sick and unable to stay upright. However that is neither here nor there. Today I want to talk about something that is very near and dear to my heart - parenting. Now we all have our own parenting techniques and things that work for us, but I want to talk about merely the basics.
Now having a child with a disability makes things a bit more challenging as far as I need to have the energy of a Jack Russell Terrier that's gotten into the case of Red Bull. Needless to say I do not always have this, and with being sick I've had it even less lately. However I will say that I try to be mentally available to my child. What do I mean by this? I mean that when my son asks me something I don't blow him off nor do I try to blow smoke up his ass. Yes he still believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny and the other fairy tales/stories/legends we've all grown up with. However he asked me one day why a boy who wasn't related to another boy couldn't get married. I was at first taken by surprise - he was 8 at the time; what 8 year old asks that? Mine that's who. Once I regained my composure I explained to him that some people didn't think it was right, but that you cannot help who you fall in love with. He was ok with this answer and we went on to discuss that it was ok for him to like whoever he wanted both now and later on in life.
After I thought about his situation for awhile, I realized that I am happy that my son is non judgmental and that he has the courage and confidence to ask ME these things believing that I will have the answer. Now do I have the answer to all of life's questions? Obviously not or else I'd be making a hella lotta money answering things for ppl LOL What it also made me realize that if I don't teach my kid these things - who will? I didn't want to dare think about that. As usual the more I thought about it the more I learned that I was not alone - there were other parents that were going through what I was going through. What scared me though was when I realized that I knew parents that either didn't see what they were doing to their kids or they did and just didn't care.
What I mean by doing to their kids is not physical abuse, but they were neglecting their children's minds and feelings. Example; my son knows that he is not allowed to play video games that carry an M rating and that I need to approve the T rated games. Therefore he doesn't play them - how do I know? Because my son talks to me; we've been at others peoples houses and he'll come out of the room where all the kids are playing and if I ask why he's not playing with the other kids he'll say "They're playing games I'm not allowed to". Even if he's been at a friends house he will say "They were playing such and such a game, but I didn't play" again - how do I know he's telling the truth? He'll follow that up by saying "I watched them play a few minutes Mom I'm sorry I know I'm not supposed to". It's the same way with movies and their ratings; however I know someone who doesn't let their child play violent video games, but in the same breath doesn't mind if the child is in the room for an R rated movie!
I am by NO means saying that I am the perfect parent, but what I am saying is that you need to PARENT. I don't care if your child calls you every name in the book - there are very few I HAVEN'T been called, but in the end I don't care because I know that it's better for my child. I saw a news special just tonight on children and the parents that spy on them. They were talking to a dad that was part of a website that helped monitor his 13 year olds internet activity. Cut to said 13 year old sitting on her bed with a lap top open and typing away with the only light coming from the screen. Now I ask you - what 13 year old needs a laptop? Now some may say that it's a space saver thing, whatever fine but then why was she not required to use it in a family room or dining room? Wake up people internet, video games, movies, etc etc are not to blame for things that your child does - YOU are. Who let them watch the violent movie? Who let them log onto that website. Now am I saying that every media outlet shouldn't be held accountable for some of the stuff they air? NO, but how about taking your share of the responsibility?
It's not just media stuff either; I've seen parents chastize their child for doing something wrong when in fact the child was tired of being ignored for 4 hours and simply wanted their attention. What people don't get is that pleasing kids for the most part is fairly easy; most of the time what they really want is just for someone to listen. Most of the time we forget that they are not just kids, but human beings with thoughts and opinions and questions. They want someone to listen to them, ask them what THEY think how THEY feel. They WANT boundries, and for someone to care enough to wonder where the HELL they've been. They might not like it at the time, but they always come to realize that it's in their best interest. I guess what I'm trying to get at here is if you're gonna be a parent BE a parent - your kids have enough friends.
Now having a child with a disability makes things a bit more challenging as far as I need to have the energy of a Jack Russell Terrier that's gotten into the case of Red Bull. Needless to say I do not always have this, and with being sick I've had it even less lately. However I will say that I try to be mentally available to my child. What do I mean by this? I mean that when my son asks me something I don't blow him off nor do I try to blow smoke up his ass. Yes he still believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny and the other fairy tales/stories/legends we've all grown up with. However he asked me one day why a boy who wasn't related to another boy couldn't get married. I was at first taken by surprise - he was 8 at the time; what 8 year old asks that? Mine that's who. Once I regained my composure I explained to him that some people didn't think it was right, but that you cannot help who you fall in love with. He was ok with this answer and we went on to discuss that it was ok for him to like whoever he wanted both now and later on in life.
After I thought about his situation for awhile, I realized that I am happy that my son is non judgmental and that he has the courage and confidence to ask ME these things believing that I will have the answer. Now do I have the answer to all of life's questions? Obviously not or else I'd be making a hella lotta money answering things for ppl LOL What it also made me realize that if I don't teach my kid these things - who will? I didn't want to dare think about that. As usual the more I thought about it the more I learned that I was not alone - there were other parents that were going through what I was going through. What scared me though was when I realized that I knew parents that either didn't see what they were doing to their kids or they did and just didn't care.
What I mean by doing to their kids is not physical abuse, but they were neglecting their children's minds and feelings. Example; my son knows that he is not allowed to play video games that carry an M rating and that I need to approve the T rated games. Therefore he doesn't play them - how do I know? Because my son talks to me; we've been at others peoples houses and he'll come out of the room where all the kids are playing and if I ask why he's not playing with the other kids he'll say "They're playing games I'm not allowed to". Even if he's been at a friends house he will say "They were playing such and such a game, but I didn't play" again - how do I know he's telling the truth? He'll follow that up by saying "I watched them play a few minutes Mom I'm sorry I know I'm not supposed to". It's the same way with movies and their ratings; however I know someone who doesn't let their child play violent video games, but in the same breath doesn't mind if the child is in the room for an R rated movie!
I am by NO means saying that I am the perfect parent, but what I am saying is that you need to PARENT. I don't care if your child calls you every name in the book - there are very few I HAVEN'T been called, but in the end I don't care because I know that it's better for my child. I saw a news special just tonight on children and the parents that spy on them. They were talking to a dad that was part of a website that helped monitor his 13 year olds internet activity. Cut to said 13 year old sitting on her bed with a lap top open and typing away with the only light coming from the screen. Now I ask you - what 13 year old needs a laptop? Now some may say that it's a space saver thing, whatever fine but then why was she not required to use it in a family room or dining room? Wake up people internet, video games, movies, etc etc are not to blame for things that your child does - YOU are. Who let them watch the violent movie? Who let them log onto that website. Now am I saying that every media outlet shouldn't be held accountable for some of the stuff they air? NO, but how about taking your share of the responsibility?
It's not just media stuff either; I've seen parents chastize their child for doing something wrong when in fact the child was tired of being ignored for 4 hours and simply wanted their attention. What people don't get is that pleasing kids for the most part is fairly easy; most of the time what they really want is just for someone to listen. Most of the time we forget that they are not just kids, but human beings with thoughts and opinions and questions. They want someone to listen to them, ask them what THEY think how THEY feel. They WANT boundries, and for someone to care enough to wonder where the HELL they've been. They might not like it at the time, but they always come to realize that it's in their best interest. I guess what I'm trying to get at here is if you're gonna be a parent BE a parent - your kids have enough friends.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Normally when I write this blog I think ok you have to be inspiring, your words need to speak to people. However in this blog I am simply going to jump for joy - or for those of you that remember the show Perfect Strangers I am going to go Balki on you and dance the Dance of Joy (insert di di di and dancing). As you know I've been on a journey to make myself healthier and happier, well on Friday part of that was achieved. Now I am usually insanely nervous when I go to the dr because well I hate being poked, prodded and weighed. This dr visit I can say was one of the BEST of my life; first off I lost SEVEN lbs! Hell it's probably more like 10 because they have one of the old timey scales; either way - I'm DOING IT! I'm taking the weight off slowly but surely.
Not just that but the dr was HAPPY not the fake kind of happy but the this is the reason I do this job type of happy. Not only had I lost the weight but the anti depressant/anti anxiety meds she gave me are doing their job. I am better able to deal with things; even when life throws me a curve ball - if I can't hit it out of the park I at least get a foul tip. For you non baseball people - it means that I don't feel like I want the earth to open up and swallow me whole when life gets tough. I have more energy - I even played a half hour of soccer the other day with my son! 2 months ago that would have NEVER happened. I can also go up the stairs at his school without feeling like I'm going to keel over (seriously it's like climbing Mt. Everest). This may seem like small things to some, but for me its like winning a race.
Is it all fun and games and easy as pie? HELL NO - if it were I would have taken the weight off years ago! Matter of fact the dr told me I have to watch my salt as my bp is a little high. However I think this is the first time I've been REALLY serious about it and doing it, and when I can't do it and I need that extra push I have great friends and family that give me the edge and the encouragement to do it.
So I apologize if you don't walk away with some new philosophical perspective, but I am happy as a pig in shit as my dad would say. I won't apologize for it either; if nothing else I hope that some of this happiness wears off on others and makes them feel good about their lives too!
Not just that but the dr was HAPPY not the fake kind of happy but the this is the reason I do this job type of happy. Not only had I lost the weight but the anti depressant/anti anxiety meds she gave me are doing their job. I am better able to deal with things; even when life throws me a curve ball - if I can't hit it out of the park I at least get a foul tip. For you non baseball people - it means that I don't feel like I want the earth to open up and swallow me whole when life gets tough. I have more energy - I even played a half hour of soccer the other day with my son! 2 months ago that would have NEVER happened. I can also go up the stairs at his school without feeling like I'm going to keel over (seriously it's like climbing Mt. Everest). This may seem like small things to some, but for me its like winning a race.
Is it all fun and games and easy as pie? HELL NO - if it were I would have taken the weight off years ago! Matter of fact the dr told me I have to watch my salt as my bp is a little high. However I think this is the first time I've been REALLY serious about it and doing it, and when I can't do it and I need that extra push I have great friends and family that give me the edge and the encouragement to do it.
So I apologize if you don't walk away with some new philosophical perspective, but I am happy as a pig in shit as my dad would say. I won't apologize for it either; if nothing else I hope that some of this happiness wears off on others and makes them feel good about their lives too!
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