Being Me

Alot of us sit and dream of what it would be like to be someone else. Whether it be someone famous or our nextdoor neighbor; we all do it. Personally I wouldn't mind being Paula Deen; for those of you that don't know her she's a lovely southern woman who has a show on the FoodNetwork. I like her because she overcame a lot; she lost her parents at a young age, raised two boys on her own, started a business from nothing, and dealt with agoraphobia (fear of the public).  She's a success story if I've ever heard one and I have a lot of respect for her.

That being said, though I would often like to be her (who wouldn't want a successful show and the love of thousands?) I am me; for better or for worse. I'm a mother, daughter, sister, friend - I carry all these titles. However the most important title I carry is Karyn because without her I couldn't be any of those other things. Now this may sound a little crazy, but allow me to explain a little revelation I had after my break up with my ex.

It was probably about a month or so after I had left my son's father and I was in the kitchen making a salad. As I cut the tomato I had an epiphany; this was the first tomato I'd eaten in sometime. Why? It wasn't that I didn't like them - I LOVE them, but because my ex didn't like them I'd taken to not buying them at the store. I had given up something I loved all because I was trying to please someone else. Now this may seem insignificant to some, but for me it was eye opening. It made me look back over the last few years and realize how much of myself I'd lost. I watched what he wanted to watch, went to whatever movies he wanted, and the list went on and on. I decided then and there that I would never again give up something so precious: ME.

For the most part I have been successful with keeping that promise. However when you start to take care of others you do lose yourself to a certain degree. I would never change taking care of my son or my mom for anything, but with the problems they have it can be draining. I know many of you know this feeling; but what I've come to realize is that in order to take care of them I have to be the best me I can be. So over the last 6 months I've taken to getting MYSELF to the Dr., the Dentist, and recently I've started my journey of becoming healthier by losing weight. I try to no longer care what others think of me and I tell people if you don't want an honest answer don't ask me.

So what am I trying to say with all of this? Remember who you are and embrace that person. Love everything about her; if there's something you wish were different - change it. Don't be afraid to be who you are. If it's blue hair and black nailpolish than wear it like nobody's business - give a smile and a wave to those who stare. If you want to run a marathon, get some running shoes and run a marathon. Don't let others push you into being someone you're not because it'll never make you happy. Eat all the tomatoes you want (I know I will!) and BE YOURSELF - noone can do it better!