You can't judge a book by it's cover - how many times have we heard that? I know I heard it all the time when I was growing up. It was my parents way of making me realize that there are some really cool people out there if you just take the time to get to know them.
Unfortunately lately I've come to realize that though the Civil Rights movement was some 40 years ago, there are still a lot of prejudices that still exist. Not only when it comes to race, but religion, politics you name it. Anyone will tell you I am a VERY liberal person; most of the time I don't care if you're black, white, asian, blue, purple, Jewish, Catholic, Atheist, whatever. In my book if you're not hurting anyone who cares? Do I always agree with everyone? Of course not, we all have our own opinions, but I'm not going to stop being your friend just because you believe something I don't.
There is no greater example I could give than of me and my friend Bino. On the surface Bino and I couldn't be more different. I am a short, white, Catholic, grammar correcting "goodie two shoes". Bino on the other hand is a tall, mexican, God believing, yet everything's a conspiracy, don't correct my grammar sometimes trouble maker. However dig deeper and you can begin to see the similarities; we're both single parents trying to do the best by our kids, we both LOVE to debate, we both love calling people out on things, and we hate the baby daddy/mamma drama. I first met Bino when I was working and he came on as our new security guard, I thought to myself "Oh good let's see how THIS one works out" (we'd had some pretty shitty so called guards). After awhile though, the more we talked the more I realized we had in common. Sure there were a lot of things we disagreed on - especially when it comes to politics, but we were always able to discuss things in a civilized manner. However we also both believe in God, we want the best for our children, and we both intend to be wealthy one day lol There was also alot we learned about each other too. He taught me about street things, the music world, and how to think outside the box. I taught him (or so I like to think) that not all baby mamas cause drama, there is more than one way to look at things, and some proper grammar lol We've discussed all things taboo: politics, religion, race, etc. One of the funniest ones was when we were discussing gangs; in particular the Latin Kings. I don't remember what exactly we talked about but I remember him laughing and saying "Man Karyn you are the LAST person I expected to be having this conversation with"
What I'm getting at here is that sometimes you have to look past things to get at the real person. So what if someone's Muslim and you're Christian; if you were dying and they could save you - why not let them? A person's religion, race, political status, etc are only parts of the whole. They're one part of the whole person; it's like your body - your kidneys aren't responsible for everything that goes on in it - it's one organ among many. When I think about how many people won't have anything to do with a person simply because of their beliefs or their race it saddens me because I think about how much they might be missing out on.
I think the thing that makes it worse is those ppl that think like that who have children. Let's face it: prejudice isn't born, it's learned. I'd like to think that I'm teaching my son to be open minded and accepting of all people. He once asked me in not so many words why two guys couldn't get married; my answer to him was that some ppl don't think it's right, but that you can't help who you fall in love with. I said you can love who ever you want. What's even more awesome is that he has several mixed cousins - black, white, mexican - just about everything so race is one area that's never been a problem for him - to this day I don't think he sees color when it comes to ppl and it makes me smile. I try to be as honest with him as possible about things in general, sometimes it's hard because he's only 9 and a young 9 at that. However I want him to grow up knowing that people are at the heart of things basically the same: We all want to love and be loved, we all have fears, and we're all just trying to make it. So the next time you think you know something about someone, dig a little deeper - you'd be amazed at what you find out.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Parenting
Yes I'm back, I know I've been MIA lately and that my last blog was full of positives. I'm still on my weight loss journey, though it's come to a stand still lately because I've been sick and unable to stay upright. However that is neither here nor there. Today I want to talk about something that is very near and dear to my heart - parenting. Now we all have our own parenting techniques and things that work for us, but I want to talk about merely the basics.
Now having a child with a disability makes things a bit more challenging as far as I need to have the energy of a Jack Russell Terrier that's gotten into the case of Red Bull. Needless to say I do not always have this, and with being sick I've had it even less lately. However I will say that I try to be mentally available to my child. What do I mean by this? I mean that when my son asks me something I don't blow him off nor do I try to blow smoke up his ass. Yes he still believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny and the other fairy tales/stories/legends we've all grown up with. However he asked me one day why a boy who wasn't related to another boy couldn't get married. I was at first taken by surprise - he was 8 at the time; what 8 year old asks that? Mine that's who. Once I regained my composure I explained to him that some people didn't think it was right, but that you cannot help who you fall in love with. He was ok with this answer and we went on to discuss that it was ok for him to like whoever he wanted both now and later on in life.
After I thought about his situation for awhile, I realized that I am happy that my son is non judgmental and that he has the courage and confidence to ask ME these things believing that I will have the answer. Now do I have the answer to all of life's questions? Obviously not or else I'd be making a hella lotta money answering things for ppl LOL What it also made me realize that if I don't teach my kid these things - who will? I didn't want to dare think about that. As usual the more I thought about it the more I learned that I was not alone - there were other parents that were going through what I was going through. What scared me though was when I realized that I knew parents that either didn't see what they were doing to their kids or they did and just didn't care.
What I mean by doing to their kids is not physical abuse, but they were neglecting their children's minds and feelings. Example; my son knows that he is not allowed to play video games that carry an M rating and that I need to approve the T rated games. Therefore he doesn't play them - how do I know? Because my son talks to me; we've been at others peoples houses and he'll come out of the room where all the kids are playing and if I ask why he's not playing with the other kids he'll say "They're playing games I'm not allowed to". Even if he's been at a friends house he will say "They were playing such and such a game, but I didn't play" again - how do I know he's telling the truth? He'll follow that up by saying "I watched them play a few minutes Mom I'm sorry I know I'm not supposed to". It's the same way with movies and their ratings; however I know someone who doesn't let their child play violent video games, but in the same breath doesn't mind if the child is in the room for an R rated movie!
I am by NO means saying that I am the perfect parent, but what I am saying is that you need to PARENT. I don't care if your child calls you every name in the book - there are very few I HAVEN'T been called, but in the end I don't care because I know that it's better for my child. I saw a news special just tonight on children and the parents that spy on them. They were talking to a dad that was part of a website that helped monitor his 13 year olds internet activity. Cut to said 13 year old sitting on her bed with a lap top open and typing away with the only light coming from the screen. Now I ask you - what 13 year old needs a laptop? Now some may say that it's a space saver thing, whatever fine but then why was she not required to use it in a family room or dining room? Wake up people internet, video games, movies, etc etc are not to blame for things that your child does - YOU are. Who let them watch the violent movie? Who let them log onto that website. Now am I saying that every media outlet shouldn't be held accountable for some of the stuff they air? NO, but how about taking your share of the responsibility?
It's not just media stuff either; I've seen parents chastize their child for doing something wrong when in fact the child was tired of being ignored for 4 hours and simply wanted their attention. What people don't get is that pleasing kids for the most part is fairly easy; most of the time what they really want is just for someone to listen. Most of the time we forget that they are not just kids, but human beings with thoughts and opinions and questions. They want someone to listen to them, ask them what THEY think how THEY feel. They WANT boundries, and for someone to care enough to wonder where the HELL they've been. They might not like it at the time, but they always come to realize that it's in their best interest. I guess what I'm trying to get at here is if you're gonna be a parent BE a parent - your kids have enough friends.
Now having a child with a disability makes things a bit more challenging as far as I need to have the energy of a Jack Russell Terrier that's gotten into the case of Red Bull. Needless to say I do not always have this, and with being sick I've had it even less lately. However I will say that I try to be mentally available to my child. What do I mean by this? I mean that when my son asks me something I don't blow him off nor do I try to blow smoke up his ass. Yes he still believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny and the other fairy tales/stories/legends we've all grown up with. However he asked me one day why a boy who wasn't related to another boy couldn't get married. I was at first taken by surprise - he was 8 at the time; what 8 year old asks that? Mine that's who. Once I regained my composure I explained to him that some people didn't think it was right, but that you cannot help who you fall in love with. He was ok with this answer and we went on to discuss that it was ok for him to like whoever he wanted both now and later on in life.
After I thought about his situation for awhile, I realized that I am happy that my son is non judgmental and that he has the courage and confidence to ask ME these things believing that I will have the answer. Now do I have the answer to all of life's questions? Obviously not or else I'd be making a hella lotta money answering things for ppl LOL What it also made me realize that if I don't teach my kid these things - who will? I didn't want to dare think about that. As usual the more I thought about it the more I learned that I was not alone - there were other parents that were going through what I was going through. What scared me though was when I realized that I knew parents that either didn't see what they were doing to their kids or they did and just didn't care.
What I mean by doing to their kids is not physical abuse, but they were neglecting their children's minds and feelings. Example; my son knows that he is not allowed to play video games that carry an M rating and that I need to approve the T rated games. Therefore he doesn't play them - how do I know? Because my son talks to me; we've been at others peoples houses and he'll come out of the room where all the kids are playing and if I ask why he's not playing with the other kids he'll say "They're playing games I'm not allowed to". Even if he's been at a friends house he will say "They were playing such and such a game, but I didn't play" again - how do I know he's telling the truth? He'll follow that up by saying "I watched them play a few minutes Mom I'm sorry I know I'm not supposed to". It's the same way with movies and their ratings; however I know someone who doesn't let their child play violent video games, but in the same breath doesn't mind if the child is in the room for an R rated movie!
I am by NO means saying that I am the perfect parent, but what I am saying is that you need to PARENT. I don't care if your child calls you every name in the book - there are very few I HAVEN'T been called, but in the end I don't care because I know that it's better for my child. I saw a news special just tonight on children and the parents that spy on them. They were talking to a dad that was part of a website that helped monitor his 13 year olds internet activity. Cut to said 13 year old sitting on her bed with a lap top open and typing away with the only light coming from the screen. Now I ask you - what 13 year old needs a laptop? Now some may say that it's a space saver thing, whatever fine but then why was she not required to use it in a family room or dining room? Wake up people internet, video games, movies, etc etc are not to blame for things that your child does - YOU are. Who let them watch the violent movie? Who let them log onto that website. Now am I saying that every media outlet shouldn't be held accountable for some of the stuff they air? NO, but how about taking your share of the responsibility?
It's not just media stuff either; I've seen parents chastize their child for doing something wrong when in fact the child was tired of being ignored for 4 hours and simply wanted their attention. What people don't get is that pleasing kids for the most part is fairly easy; most of the time what they really want is just for someone to listen. Most of the time we forget that they are not just kids, but human beings with thoughts and opinions and questions. They want someone to listen to them, ask them what THEY think how THEY feel. They WANT boundries, and for someone to care enough to wonder where the HELL they've been. They might not like it at the time, but they always come to realize that it's in their best interest. I guess what I'm trying to get at here is if you're gonna be a parent BE a parent - your kids have enough friends.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Normally when I write this blog I think ok you have to be inspiring, your words need to speak to people. However in this blog I am simply going to jump for joy - or for those of you that remember the show Perfect Strangers I am going to go Balki on you and dance the Dance of Joy (insert di di di and dancing). As you know I've been on a journey to make myself healthier and happier, well on Friday part of that was achieved. Now I am usually insanely nervous when I go to the dr because well I hate being poked, prodded and weighed. This dr visit I can say was one of the BEST of my life; first off I lost SEVEN lbs! Hell it's probably more like 10 because they have one of the old timey scales; either way - I'm DOING IT! I'm taking the weight off slowly but surely.
Not just that but the dr was HAPPY not the fake kind of happy but the this is the reason I do this job type of happy. Not only had I lost the weight but the anti depressant/anti anxiety meds she gave me are doing their job. I am better able to deal with things; even when life throws me a curve ball - if I can't hit it out of the park I at least get a foul tip. For you non baseball people - it means that I don't feel like I want the earth to open up and swallow me whole when life gets tough. I have more energy - I even played a half hour of soccer the other day with my son! 2 months ago that would have NEVER happened. I can also go up the stairs at his school without feeling like I'm going to keel over (seriously it's like climbing Mt. Everest). This may seem like small things to some, but for me its like winning a race.
Is it all fun and games and easy as pie? HELL NO - if it were I would have taken the weight off years ago! Matter of fact the dr told me I have to watch my salt as my bp is a little high. However I think this is the first time I've been REALLY serious about it and doing it, and when I can't do it and I need that extra push I have great friends and family that give me the edge and the encouragement to do it.
So I apologize if you don't walk away with some new philosophical perspective, but I am happy as a pig in shit as my dad would say. I won't apologize for it either; if nothing else I hope that some of this happiness wears off on others and makes them feel good about their lives too!
Not just that but the dr was HAPPY not the fake kind of happy but the this is the reason I do this job type of happy. Not only had I lost the weight but the anti depressant/anti anxiety meds she gave me are doing their job. I am better able to deal with things; even when life throws me a curve ball - if I can't hit it out of the park I at least get a foul tip. For you non baseball people - it means that I don't feel like I want the earth to open up and swallow me whole when life gets tough. I have more energy - I even played a half hour of soccer the other day with my son! 2 months ago that would have NEVER happened. I can also go up the stairs at his school without feeling like I'm going to keel over (seriously it's like climbing Mt. Everest). This may seem like small things to some, but for me its like winning a race.
Is it all fun and games and easy as pie? HELL NO - if it were I would have taken the weight off years ago! Matter of fact the dr told me I have to watch my salt as my bp is a little high. However I think this is the first time I've been REALLY serious about it and doing it, and when I can't do it and I need that extra push I have great friends and family that give me the edge and the encouragement to do it.
So I apologize if you don't walk away with some new philosophical perspective, but I am happy as a pig in shit as my dad would say. I won't apologize for it either; if nothing else I hope that some of this happiness wears off on others and makes them feel good about their lives too!
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